I expressed so many concerns. Then my friend Hiroyuki Ito asked me - if I left aside concerns about what people would think of me, what would I call myself? I couldn't answer him for a while; a bucket of emotion poured out of me.
I don't have much order yet: bucket, vessel, channel, bridge, witch, healer, priest, nun. There are other names I dare not say yet. And I've always liked - never minded - dancer: a conduit by definition. Really, all I have to do is keep doing what I do. There are no ascending levels, no goals to reach. And no identity to nail down. Just pour. This makes the work practice, experiment; none or all of it performance.
Surprisingly often, rehearsal locates a deeper level than performance - we haven't frozen the form or meaning yet. Although I believe memorized movement or word can be powerful incisive tools, and also a record, a "pattern language" - a map of places, time, things. It can enact, but perhaps less wondrously, more predictably. These are limitations. But it is tricky to compare knots and loose strings.
Pattern language - a phrase I'm seeing a lot these days. This is what nature does. She makes maps of herself, for us to remember her by. She is unforgettable, even if we can't go to, or articulate her, wordless, yet.